Sunday, May 27, 2007

Hotel Paradiso

As well as frantically trying to finish a dissertation (see posts passim), I recently had to go abroad for nine days. Business rather than pleasure, I'm afraid. I got to see the inside of quite a few hotels of the two and three-star variety. As the European taxpayer was footing the bill, I'm not going to complain.

Unfortunately, none of the hotels' TVs had any, ahem, adult entertainment on offer. Luckily, these days, it doesn't seem to matter as MTV and VH1 provide just as much one-handed viewing as The Playboy Channel et al. I suppose this isn't news to most people. It's just that I don't have MTV, VH1 etc. on offer at home. Despite this deprivation, I've known that R&B and rap videos have been borderline pornography for some years. What surprised me, though, were the videos for those faceless Euro-hits produced by spotty white boffins and usually released by the Ministry of Sound label. The formula is pretty simple. Take an old tune (usually by Supertramp, Michael McDonald or similar), ramp it up with a Teutonic 4/4 beat, and stick some partially-nude chicks on the vid. Again, I'm not complaining. Though I was a little taken aback at how far the envelope is being pushed in the efforts to make kids buy fairly crappy music. And presumably, the crappier the music, the more explicit the images will have to become in order to keep the kids buying. It can't be long before images of actual penetration are being used to sell remixes of old Brotherhood of Man choons.

Some examples are posted below. Over 18s only, according to YouTube..

Michael Mind feat. Manfred Mann --Blinded By The Light
I'd like to have been in the meeting where the director suggested that the only was to convey the meaning behind this Euro-euphoria cover of Manfred Mann's cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Blinded By The Light" was to have four slightly sexier versions of Kim and Aggie romping around the office, squirting white liquid everywhere and simultaneously polishing four table legs. Makes Paul Verhoeven look subtle.

Crystal Waters and Alex Gaudino--Destination Calabria
To be fair (and isn't that a horrible phrase?) the music in this one isn't bad. And Crystal Waters chalks up her third hit in, what, 16 years? This one features ladies licking brass instruments. Hmmm. Actually, this one makes "Blinded By The Light" look subtle.

Eric Prydz--Call On Me
I'm guessing that without this, the two above wouldn't have gotten made, though later imitators wisely chose to drop the token male. I'm guessing there's a waiting list for membership of this gym.


jude calvert-toulmin said...

> Unfortunately, none of the hotels' TVs had any, ahem, adult entertainment on offer.

gawd, do people actually use these? LOL :)

another great blog article, irk, i was wondering about the supertramp remix the other the mists have cleared, thankyou :)

Anonymous said...

Naughty boy!